Thursday, September 10, 2015

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. - Romans 8:14

What a wonderful verse. If we are led by the Spirit of God we are his children. I sometimes get down because of my failures in following my Lord, but this verse confirms to me I am his son. Although my sins are always present, I cannot deny God's Spirit's leading. Are u led by the Spirit of God?

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Christian Living


And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.
And awe came upon every soul....
Acts 2:42, 43a

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

In the creature’s knowing, esteeming, loving, rejoicing in, and praising God, the glory of God is both exhibited and acknowledged; his fullness is received and returned. Here is both an emanation and remanation. The refulgence shines upon and into the creature, and is reflected back to the luminary. The beams of glory come from God, and are something of God, and are refunded back again to their original. So that the whole is of God, and in God, and to God; and God is the beginning, middle and end in this affair. (Yale, Vol. 8, p. 531)

Jonathon Edwards
The End For Which God Created The World

Saturday, July 13, 2013

The Commands Of Jesus


The Commands of Jesus

Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” (John 14:21, ESV)

1. Repent Matt 4:17
2. Let your light shine before others Matt 5:16
3. Reconcile your anger with your brother Matt 5:21-26
4. Do not look at a woman with lustful intent Matt 5:28
5. Do not divorce Matt 5:32
6. Do not take an oath Matt 5:34
7. Do not resist the one who is evil Matt 5:39
8. Love your enemies Matt 5:44
9. Pray for those who persecute you Matt 5:44
10. Give to the needy secretly Matt 6:3,4
11. Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth Matt 6:19
12  Lay up for yourself treasures in heaven Matt 6:20
13. Do not be anxious about your life Matt 6:25, 34
14. Seek first the kingdom of God Matt 6:33
15. Judge not Matt 7:1
16. Do not give dogs what is holy Matt 7:6
17. Do to others that which you wish others would do to you Matt 7:12
18. Beware of false prophets Matt 7:15
19. Fear not men who hate Christ Matt 10:26
20. Proclaim from the rooftops what Jesus tells us Matt 10:27
21. Deny self, take up cross, follow Jesus Matt 16:24
22. Confront a brother who sins against you Matt 18:15-17
23. Love the Lord your God with all heart, soul, mind Matt 22:37 (from Law)
24. Love neighbor as self Matt 22:39 (from Law)
25. Call no man or self father, rabbi, instructor Matt 23:8-12
26. Watch Matt 25:13
27. Go, make disciples, baptize disciples, teach disciples to observe what Christ commands Matt 18:19


Monday, May 27, 2013

Good, Righteous, Holy

God is good, righteous and holy.

He is good in that he is benevolent toward those that are his. He wants to do "good" for us and to us. He is not watching over us waiting for us to mess up so that he can punish us. (Matthew 7:11, Romans 8:32)

He is righteous in that he always does what is right based on his character. His actions are always perfect in righteousness. He hates wickedness and sin. His actions are consistent and never vary from his standard. (1 John 3:7)

He is holy in his essence or nature. He is pure, sinless, perfect in character. He "is" holy. He "acts" righteously. God is set apart from all creation and altogether "other" in his holiness. (Isaiah 6:3)

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Assurance

Struggling with assurance, I found this from a sermon by John MacArthur. Reassuring for me to consider.

Test yourself in this way. You once lived in sin and loved it. Do you now desire deliverance from it? You were once self-confident and trusting in your own fancied goodness. Do you now judge yourself as a sinner before God? You once sought to hide from God and rebelled against His authority. Do you now look up to Him, desiring to know Him, and to yield yourself to Him? If you can honestly say "Yes" to these questions, you have repented ... And remember, it is not the amount of repentance that counts: it is the fact that you turn from self to God that puts you in the place where His grace avails through Jesus Christ

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Worn

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

What Is A Disciple Of Jesus Christ?


A disciple....

  1. Bears fruit (John 15:8)
  2. Loves others (John 13:34-35)
  3. Is willing to renounce all that he has (Luke 14:33)
  4. Abides in Christ’s words (John 8:31)
  5. Loves Jesus more than others (Luke14:26)
  6. Denies himself/herself and carries his/her cross (Luke 9:23, Luke 14:27)

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
--Luke 9:23

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Promise

Then they despised the pleasant land,
having no faith in his promise.
-- Psalm 106:24

The Israelites doubted God when he told them to go into the land of Canaan, the promised land and take it. They feared the powers of the world and stood in stiff necked unbelief before God.

God has promised me Paradise through his gift of faith, through the work of his Son.

Here I am. I stand on the edge of "the promised land." Paradise. Do I doubt his promise? Do I fear death?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Bad News


"The voice of one crying in the wilderness:
Prepare the way of the Lord; make his paths straight."

Matthew 3:3

The "good news" doesn't always seem so good if one doesn't understand the "bad news" that precedes it.  Many live today that do not comprehend the meaning and significance of what Christ has done. I would submit that often these unsaved people are unmoved by Christ's death and resurrection, even though they have heard about it, because they fail to see their depraved state and/or their inability to rectify the situation through self work.  They do not believe the wrath of God remains upon them (John 3:36,  Eph 5:6). In fact, many do not believe God has wrath toward anyone -- that he loves and will provide good things for all in the end -- irrespective of one's love for Him and behavior. The "bad news" is that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23), God hates and cannot dwell with wickedness (Ps. 5:4, 5) and the wages of sin is death (Rom 6:23). The wrath of God is therefore deserved by all. More "bad news" is that God's wrath must be exhausted for each sin that is committed by each one of us.  Therefore, if nothing absorbs God's wrath, we are in for a lot of pain -- and we deserve it.  This is the "bad news", that the wrath of God is coming, and his anger is aimed at us! As I was reading about John the Baptist this week, it appeared to me that John was the bearer of the "bad news" to his generation (and ours). He prepared the way of the Lord and made his paths straight by telling the people to repent and turn from their wicked ways because:  

"His (the Lord's) winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire." (Matthew 3:12)

The fact is God's wrath for our sin can only be exhausted through punishment to us or to Jesus Christ. Every sin will be dealt with fully.  We can pay ourselves or Christ can pay for us, but someone will pay.  Who do you want to pay for your sins? Romans 6:23 begins with:  "The wages of sin is death" but ends with: "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." We can have eternal life only through faith in Christ and his propitiation (wrath absorption) as a gift.  Jesus comes after John and preaches the  "bad news" and the "good news", the gospel. 

I wondered this week how often we share our faith without really sharing the "bad news".  It seems "politically incorrect" in todays world to talk about hell or judgement. I know I often lean toward telling of the gospel without ever delving into the wrath of God.  But really, is not the "bad news" a necessary part of describing appropriately what Christ has done for us? John certainly thought so. 


Monday, September 17, 2012

Bread Alone

Man shall not live by bread alone but
    by every word that comes from the mouth of God.
Matthew 4:4

I was struck by this verse this morning as I prayed. A number of things popped out to me. First, what does it mean to "live"? Obviously, all men need food to exist in our current state. Without it we would starve. But is this verse speaking of another, fuller life? Jesus said, "I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly" (John 10:10).  Paul said, "The righteous shall live by faith" (Romans 1:17).  And, Jesus again said, "I am the way, the truth and the life" (John 14:6). Matthew 4:4 cannot be speaking of every man as not every man exists on this earth through sustenance on the word of God. So, I would submit that Jesus is speaking of a life that is unique to a believer and that that life is sustained, nurtured and/or advanced through a regular diet on the word of God and continues into eternity. The second observation I had was that Jesus is the Word of God. He is also the Bread of Life (John 6:48, 51). Not only is the scripture to be a regular source of life giving grace to a disciple, but Jesus himself is the ultimate fulfillment of scripture and the ultimate source of our "life". The third observation is that a follower of Christ can exist on worldly food without a reliance on scripture and Jesus. This is a often a life of dryness, worry and fruitlessness...a place I have ventured unfortunately long and often. Today, I am concentrating on feasting on Jesus Christ and His Word. What else is it that I need? 

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Temptation

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.
-Matthew 4:1

Observations:

1. Note that the Spirit leads Jesus into the wilderness. The wilderness here is a difficult physical place, a desert.
2. Note that the devil tempts Jesus to sin. The Spirit does not tempt (James 1:13) but allows Jesus to be tested by Satan. Note also that temptation is not sin, and that Jesus victoriously passes the test.

Application:

1. God may at times lead us into a "wilderness" even when we are not living in purposeful sin. This is always for God's glory and ultimately for our benefit (Romans 8:28). If sinless Jesus Christ was led by God into the desert, should we be surprised if we find ourselves there?
2. We are tempted by the world, our own sinful flesh and the devil. Jesus was tempted and did not sin. So too, we can be tempted without sinning to the glory of God.

Weighed Down

But watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation* and drunkenness and cares of life and that day come upon you like a trap. For it will come upon all who dwell upon the earth. But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the son of man.
-Luke 21:34-36

*Dissipation: wasteful expenditure or consumption; indulgence in sensual pleasure

If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through, and if I can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You.
-Rich Mullins

Lord, have mercy on me, a great sinner.

Saturday, September 01, 2012

The Soldier

Lord, my purpose is to glorify you - that is to obey, serve, worship and believe you. (Note: to love you is to obey you). As a "soldier" for Jesus Christ then I should not get involved in any affairs that hinder or limit that purpose (2 Timothy 2). Outside interests are ok as long as they are not sinful (disobedience) AND do not interfere with my ultimate purpose.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Happiness


I have been meditating on Psalm 1 and thought I would share some of the things God has been showing me.  It is a beautiful Psalm with many nuggets to be considered.  

Psalm 1 First Part

Blessed is the man
   who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
   nor stands in the way of sinners,
   nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
   and on his law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1 contains the formula for happiness....

"Blessed" means to be happy and at peace.  So, the psalm notes that it is what a man or woman does or does not do that gives him or her happiness/peace.  First the psalmist reveals that a happy person does not listen to the counsel or advice of the wicked person and follow it.  Now we must define "wicked person."  I would submit to you that all people are wicked. All deserve hell.  There is none righteous, no not one.  But those who believe in Jesus Christ, trust in him for salvation, and obey his commands are credited with the righteousness of Christ and therefore are no longer wicked.  They sin accidently until the end times, but are counted as righteous.  So the wicked are the people who do not trust in and obey Jesus Christ.  We should not follow their advice.  Second, the blessed person does not "stand in the way of sinners."  This means they do not stand as if a sinner or act like a sinner.  In other words, they do not keep sinning.  They will fail but they are different from the people around them who stand as sinners do.  Next, the believers do not sit in the seat of scoffers.  To scoff is to compare oneself to another and think less of that person.  We are to love our neighbor as ourselves, and in reality, practically all comparison of one person to another leads to sin. We should avoid it. We should not even gather with those who scoff.  These are the things the happy person does not do, but then the psalmist tells us what we should do. 

The blessed person delights in the law of the Lord.  The law in this case means the word of God.  So, the blessed person loves the bible and likes to read it.  This is not necessarily something that happens the first time someone picks up the book.  It may take time.  But with familiarity and consistency a deep affection for God's word develops in those who believe and obey.  This can lead to meditation which is a type of prayer where a person considers and thinks about what God is saying in his word about people/me and about Him.  It is not that a happy person does these things.  It is that a person who does these things is made happy. For it is God alone who gives peace and satisfaction in life.  Just as we look to Him for salvation, we should look to him for satisfaction.

Saturday, June 02, 2012

God will not go forth with that man who marches in his own strength.
--C.H. Spurgeon

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Save Me, O My God

O LORD, how many are my foes!
Many are rising against me;
many are saying of my soul,
there is no salvation for him in God.

Satan is my ultimate foe, wanting me
to doubt my salvation and to render
me ineffective.

But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,
my glory and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy hill.

God protects against Satan,
evil men's schemes, useless
affliction and loss of salvation.


He restores unto me the joy of my
salvation.

I lay down and slept;
I awoke again, for the LORD sustained me.
I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around.

Whom shall I fear if the LORD loves
me? Perfect love drives out fear and
God is perfect love.


I awoke because the LORD has
something for me to do on earth
today.

Arise, O LORD!
Save me, O my God!
For you strike all my enemies on the cheek;
you break the teeth of the wicked.

Salvation belongs to the LORD;
your blessing be on your people.


Psalm 3 with comments.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Men God Uses

RAY ORTLUND'S blog at the Gospel Coalition....

What kind of men does God use?

Horatius Bonar, writing the preface to John Gillies’ Accounts of Revival regarding the leaders of the First Great Awakening, proposed that men useful to the Holy Spirit for revival stand out in these nine ways:

1. They are in earnest: “They lived and labored and preached like men on whose lips the immortality of thousands hung.”

2. They are bent on success: “As warriors, they set their hearts on victory and fought with the believing anticipation of triumph, under the guidance of such a Captain as their head.”

3. They are men of faith: “They knew that in due season they should reap, if they fainted not.”

4. They are men of labor: “Their lives are the annals of incessant, unwearied toil of body and soul; time, strength, substance, health, all they were and possessed they freely offered to the Lord, keeping back nothing, grudging nothing.”

5. They are men of patience: “Day after day they pursued what, to the eye of the world, appeared a thankless and fruitless round of toil.”

6. They are men of boldness: “Timidity shuts many a door of usefulness and loses many a precious opportunity; it wins no friends, while it strengthens every enemy. Nothing is lost by boldness, nor gained by fear.”

7. They are men of prayer: “They were much alone with God, replenishing their own souls out of the living fountain, that out of them might flow to their people rivers of living water.”

8. They are men of strong doctrine: “Their preaching seems to have been of the most masculine and fearless kind, falling on the audience with tremendous power. It was not vehement, it was not fierce, it was not noisy; it was far too solemn to be such; it was massive, weighty, cutting, piercing, sharper than a two-edged sword.”

9. They are men of deep spirituality: “No frivolity, no flippancy . . . . The world could not point to them as being but slightly dissimilar from itself.”





Wednesday, February 15, 2012

No Satisfaction?

Dissatisfaction with life is most commonly a sign I want God's "stuff" instead of God. The main exception to this is when I desire a closer communion with God in my heavenly home.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Prayer

Today I sat to pray and had nothing. So I asked God to help me. Then I sat and "listened". One after another, God brought things and people to me to consider or for which to intercede. I had no agenda. I had nothing I wanted to accomplish in order to be more "spiritual". And I was filled with a great sense of God's love for me and even a sense on a couple of prayers that he was going to work in a mighty way to bring good. Thank you Lord for your goodness to me. May I sit like Mary at your feet and listen to your Spirit all the time. Amen

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Secret Of Life

The secret of life is fruitbearing 3 Jn 4
The secret of fruit bearing is abiding Jn 15:5
The secret of abiding is obeying Jn 15:10
The secret of obeying is loving the Lord Jn 14:15
The secret of loving is knowing 1 Jn 4:7
Warren Wiersbe

Saturday, December 17, 2011

A New Creation

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be .... but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”
― John Newton

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Funk

Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you arelistening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc.
Somebody is talking. Who is talking? Your self is talking to you. Now (the Psalmist’s) treatment was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.’
The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, and question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’– what business have you to be disquieted?
You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’– instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, who God is, and what God is, what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do.
                                      -Martyn-Lloyd Jones, Spiritual Depression, It's Causes And It's Cure

Friday, December 09, 2011

My Love I Will Keep You....

I hear You say...

My love is over,
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between

In times of confusion, chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow
Under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heart ache
I'm there in your storm
My love I will keep u
By my power alone
I don't care where your fallen
Or where u have been
I'll never forsake u
My love never ends

My love is over,
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between

Tenth Avenue North

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

The Glory of Christ

For the believer, meditating on the glory of Christ is the way to transformation of the soul. The Spirit is the power but the initial place of action is the mind where we dwell on thoughts of God. The heart is then transformed and joy and worship more and more enter in. Lord, open my eyes to see you and to stare into the glory of Christ that I might further enjoy and glorify your holy name. Amen

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

On Free Will

“God created things which had free will. That means creatures which can go either wrong or right. Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong; I cannot. If a thing is free to be good it is also free to be bad. And free will is what has made evil possible. Why, then, did God give them free will? Because free will though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. A world of automata–of creatures that worked like machines–would hardly be worth creating. The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water. And for that they must be free.
Of course God knew what would happen if they used their freedom the wrong way: apparently He thought it worth the risk. Perhaps we feel inclined to disagree with Him. But there is a difficulty about disagreeing with God. He is the source from which all your reasoning power comes: you could not be right and He wrong any more than a stream can rise higher than its own source. When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on. If God thinks this state of war in the universe a price worth paying for free will–that is, for making a live world in which creatures can do real good or harm and something of real importance can happen, instead of a toy world which only moves when He pulls the strings–then we may take it it is worth paying.
When we have understood about free will, we shall see how silly it is to ask, as somebody once asked me: “Why did God make a creature of such rotten stuff that it went wrong?” The better stuff a creature is made of–the cleverer and stronger and freer it is–then the better it will be if it goes right, but also the worse it will be if it goes wrong. A cow cannot be very good or very bad; a dog can be both better and worse; a child better and worse still; an ordinary man, still more so; a man of genius, still more so; a superhuman spirit best–or worst–of all.”

C.S. Lewis, from Mere Christianity

Monday, November 14, 2011

Rock Of Ages

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labor of my hands
Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know,
Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone;
Thou must save, and Thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
When my eyes shall close in death,
When I rise to worlds unknown,
And behold Thee on Thy throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee.

--Augustus Toplady

Friday, November 04, 2011

The Eternal Counsel And The Sovereignty Of God




At the beginning of time, the eternal counsel of the trinity meets to plan and discuss the creation of the world and those that will inhabit it. Father, Son and Holy Ghost.  One God in three persons, in communion existing within the Godhead.  God plans to create man in his own image, sinless and good. Yet before creation he knows that Adam and Eve will sin. In spite of their unblemished creation, Adam rejects God’s authority by his own free will.  Sin infects mankind and death enters the world. Of course, God knows all this having perfect foreknowledge of all events and knowing deeply each person even before their creation. God could have created Adam with the inability to sin. God could have stopped Adam from sinning. Adam had the opportunity to resist temptation and not sin. God, knowing Adam’s future actions at the eternal counsel, allowed Adam to sin. God therefore predestines Adam to sinfulness without directly causing Adam to sin.

Similarly, each individual is considered at the eternal counsel prior to creation. God knows us individually, deeply, intimately before he makes us. He knows every action we will take, every thought that we will think, every occurrence that will influence us over our lives.  God in his great mercy offers grace to all men sufficient to lead to the knowledge of himself.  He offers faith and salvation to each person. Each person is given by God the ability to reject his gift and offer.  God knows what each individual will do in response to his grace. If an individual rejects him, he could over ride his decision and save him. If a man receives Christ, God could intervene and prevent this reception, damning that person. Ultimately, God sovereignly decides who will be saved, allowing the salvation of all who believe after those persons are given the chance to receive faith and salvation or reject it.  In the same way, God ultimately allows the damnation of all who reject his free grace by not intervening to save the individual after his/or her rejection. All of this thought happens prior to creation within the Godhead at the eternal counsel. It is ordained from the beginning.  This is the ordinary way of salvation but God in his great power can in power over ride this ordinary salvific formula and save someone in a way that is irresistible.  I believe Paul’s conversion probably was as such. Because God ultimately decides the final outcome before the creation of each individual, all persons that are saved are chosen, predestined and elect for salvation. In fact, every action is predestined by God at the eternal counsel. This however does not mean God causes every action. Because he has allowed free will in man, man can choose to murder someone for example with God allowing it and predestining it from the beginning (because he could have decided to intervene at the beginning of time and prevent the murder) without directly causing it. 

Monday, October 03, 2011

Rot

The depth of the sin within me is unmeasurable. I can turn from absorbed in thinking about the Holy Spirit to wanting to destroy my fellow man in a moment. The festering muck in my heart is hidden deep inside, hard to find when I hide it well. Sometimes so well that I am deceived into believing it is mopped up and clean. Only to ooze out or like a volcano explode forth from within as magma under pressure, hot with anger and passion. I then watch the smoldering remains of the destroyed infrastructure shattered under the weight of my sinfulness creak and totter, ready to collapse at any moment. The rot of who I am in the flesh festers like meat in the sun with maggots at work. The stench in the humidity suffocates me as I long to be different. Wishing for a breeze to blow the stink away. It never ends... the things I do. I don't want to do them. No. But although in Christ I do not have to give in to my sin, I so often do, returning to my vomit without explanation. Tears in the corners of my eyes as I consider that I have nothing to offer my king, so good, white against the blackness of my soul. Who am I Lord to even be considered by you? I want to quit, to be taken to be with you but cannot imagine ever being in your presence with the deep, deep depths of filth in my heart. O Lord have mercy on me a sinner. A terrible sinner. Amen