The Funk

Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you arelistening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they start talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc.

Somebody is talking. Who is talking? Your self is talking to you. Now (the Psalmist’s) treatment was this; instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.’

The main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, and question yourself. You must say to your soul: ‘Why art thou cast down’– what business have you to be disquieted?

You must turn on yourself, upbraid yourself, condemn yourself, exhort yourself, and say to yourself: ‘Hope thou in God’– instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way. And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, who God is, and what God is, what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do.

                                      -Martyn-Lloyd Jones, Spiritual Depression, It's Causes And It's Cure

The Wilderness

"You will never find Jesus so precious as when the world is one vast howling wilderness." Robert M McCheyne

Right now I am having a wilderness moment. I feel I have failed in many ways as a father, in my profession and in being a light for Christ. My band of brothers in Christ seem distant and disinterested in striving for the kingdom in the way that seems right to me. So I feel rejected in a way. Yet in another group of brothers and sisters, I have failed to be consistent in doing community. I am on the verge of a funk as I sit on my couch pondering things. Sad. But from the wilderness I have always.....always been rescued by my beloved savior Jesus Christ. So here I will sit and wait on him.

Fix Your Eyes On Jesus

I was in Hawaii over the last two weeks for a time of celebration with my wife of twenty years. In spite of the surroundings and company, I had a three day period of deep despair for reasons that weren't completely clear in my mind. I felt as if God had left me...as if he had hidden himself from me. I looked and called to him but just felt alone. I remember sitting on the couch on the verge of tears thinking-- where are you? What has caused this? My wife, being extremely wise, knows to just leave my alone to think if I am in a funk. And so, in spite of the beach and sunshine, I sat pondering things in sadness. Fortunately, God lifted me out of the miry clay, and I am experiencing him again. After the fact, I think a number of things may have been contributing to my situation. I had been over the two weeks prior to my episode wallowing in discontent over difficulties in personal family relationships. I have been praying for the situation for a long time without much change and I became frustrated. I also had spent too much time meditating on theological questions about God that are unanswerable (Arminianism, Calvinism) instead of spending time listening and worshiping. Finally, I was struggling with feelings of guilt and sadness with my failures as a christian.

So, what did I learn from this experience? The most important thing in my relationship with God is spending time with him listening and worshiping...not necessarily knowing more theology. Discontentment in life is discontentment with God and is a manifestation of me taking my eye off of him. Guilt is a manifestation of unbelief except in cases of ongoing purposeful sin. Believe what God says! He says he will never leave or forsake me. He says my sins are payed for, and I am righteous in his sight.

The Valley

I just returned from two weeks serving the poor half way around the world. Sounds impressive when I type that in. In reality, I benefited more than they did and my motives were at least partially selfish. I wanted to go to spend time with God. On these trips, I usually awake early and spend an hour or two praying, worshiping, meditating and journaling. It is quiet, and I feel very close to God. There is very little to distract me--no phone, internet, news or work (outside of mission activity). Also, there is great christian fellowship with others of the same mindset. This trip was no exception. I was "up on the mountain" with God, encouraged, strengthened and influenced by His presence. I came home physically tired but on fire for Christ. That was 5 days ago.

Since being home, I feel as if a bulldozer has been laid upon my shoulders, and I am laboring to carry it. Life stresses have pressed in and instead of "pressing on into the presence of God (Tozer)," I am juggling hundreds of worries and concerns that draw my mind back into the world. My daughter is having some difficult times, the economy is a mess, my limited retirement savings is disappearing, I am watching my bank account daily to see if I will have the funds to cover expenses. Pretty sinful in my discontent. I have been reading in Jeremiah and thinking....he probably didn't have a "retirement." When he was thrown down in a cistern, he probably had few funds in the "bank." People were constantly against him. Who sustained Jeremiah? The living God. Who is the provider of everything I have? God almighty. My spirit is wrestling with my flesh to let go of all in this world. Not to be irresponsible but to acknowledge God's sovereign power to provide, protect and control in my life. The general question that is recurrently launched into my head is "What if something bad happens?" Well, something bad probably will happen, but God is over and above whatever the problem. He will only allow that which glorifies him and benefits those "who love him and are called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28)." But do I believe him? Do I trust him? Or will I take it all back so that I may have some semblance of conscious control in my life (the fallacy that that is)? "The blessed ones who possess the kingdom are they who have repudiated every external thing and have rooted from their hearts all sense of possessing." (Tozer, Pursuit of God). Lord may I love and worship only you. May I let go of myself and the gifts you have given and seek satisfaction, provision, joy and hope only in you.

Elijah's Lament.

1 Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”
3 Elijah was afraida and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 6 He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
7 The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.

The Lord Appears to Elijah
And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
10 He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
14 He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”
15 The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. 16 Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. 17 Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. 18 Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him.”

a Or Elijah saw
The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 (electronic ed.) (1 Ki 19:1-18). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Observations:
1) A believer in God (Elijah) can become depressed about his situation on earth.
2) Elijah is frustrated with the lack of evidence of faith in those around him, the lack of evidence of fruit in his ministry and the persecution he is experiencing. We may experience the same frustration.
3) Physical hunger and fatigue exacerbated Elijah's frustration. We should note this.
4) Note God's response to Elijah. He first allows him to rest and to eat. He then reveals himself in a new way to Elijah and finally directs him to his future actions. God is so merciful. He doesn't get angry with Elijah. He doesn't reprimand him. He supplies his physical needs, reveals himself and then gets him thinking by asking him a question.

A bruised reed, he will not break. A smoldering wick, he will not snuff out.

Ultimate God Compass

I came to faith in my late 20s. I had heard the story of Jesus and his death and resurrection. But I felt satisfaction in life would be found elsewhere. I set off on a journey to find fulfillment, peace, happiness....whatever you want to call it. I looked in a lot of different places over the years. Athletics, academics, partying, relationships, success, materialism. I looked for fulfillment in all. And found none. At the end of this journey, like Solomon it seemed to me life was meaningless. After running out of options, God mercifully pointed me toward him. In reality, the "compass" always points to him. We just don't look to see it, because we think we know better what is good for our lives. Jesus Christ has filled the emptiness in my life in ways that are unexplainable. He is the substance that fills the God shaped hole in each of us. Without him there is only disappointment and despair. Only he is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6).

The Weight

Felt a heavy weight on me last night brought on by difficulties in life. Nothing big. Just life. I found myself ready to have the Lord take me to be with him. It's a good thing to know I have an inheritance in heaven kept for me. Sometimes the toil of life is just such a burden. My inability to stop sinning. The fact that every day there is someone who is dissatisfied with something pertaining to my actions. Rain. I am better today. God always lifts me out of the mire when I get this way. It's a reminder though that my citizeship is in heaven, not here. I shouldn't expect a world without trouble now. Jesus said I shouldn't. I met with my brothers Jack and Kevin this morning and the fellowship reminded me that there are better things to come and that the Lord loves me so much he died on a cross so that I might spend eternity in with him.

Hebrews 10:24,25
1 Peter chapter 1
John 16:33
Psalm 40:2

Disappointment

I am currently disappointed with a few things in life. This has just developed over the last couple of days and is a minor thing. But I have been thinking about this situation quite a bit. The observation I have noted is that disappointment comes because of one of two things: putting my hope in things other than God and/or an improper understanding of who God is and what he has promised. Sometimes I put my hope in people or in material things or even in myself (achievements and so forth). If I hope in these things, I am setting myself up for failure, because of sin and personal flaws, I cannot trust even myself. Also, there is nothing that can fill the "hole in my soul" other than God. When I hope in material things or worldly relationships, there is no possibility of fulfillment. God, on the other hand, is completely trustworthy, and he promises us good things in the future. We are not promised good things here on earth, though he may mercifully give them to us. If we hope for God to give us material blessing or good health or lack of suffering here on earth, we also set ourselves up for disappointment. God has not promised this. For me, I need to spend a lot of time with God so that my hope is "pointed in the right direction" and so I truly know what God promises and who he is.

Talking To Yourself.

'Most unhappiness in life is due to the fact that we are listening to ourselves instead of talking to ourselves." (paraphrase D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones).

Sounds somewhat nonsensical?

Spiritual depression is influenced by our negative thoughts. These thoughts are spontaneous and often uninvited but are frequently entertained over and over again. They might be thoughts about our sinfulness or our lack of success and our failures. These negative thoughts render the Christian ineffective and unhappy. The Bible calls us to take ourselves in hand (as Lloyd-Jones puts it) and tell ourselves (talk to ourselves about) the truth of God's word. Preach the gospel every day to ourselves. The facts and promises God has given us. Imagine, we are seen as righteous in God's eyes because of Jesus. God loves us as sons and daughters and promises us an inheritance with him forever. He promises us good things! We do not have to do anything to earn our place. We are valuable the way we are because God created us this way and values us.

Our minds need to be continuously renewed by the word of God (Romans 12:2). Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) and set our minds on things above, not on earthly things (Colossians 3:2), not on ourselves but on God and his promises.

See Spiritual Depression, It's Causes and It's Cure by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones.